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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25256791">hurts so good.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/luficcy/pseuds/luficcy'>luficcy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hamilton - Miranda, Hamilton - Miranda (Broadway Cast) RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Enemies to Lovers, Implied Sexual Content, Jamilton Month 2020, Kissing, Love Confessions, Lowercase, M/M, Making Out, Mild Language, One Shot, Short &amp; Sweet, Short One Shot, Tags Are Hard, kind of smut but not really, they are both dumb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:14:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,889</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25256791</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/luficcy/pseuds/luficcy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>wide awake through the daylight.<br/>will you hold me like we're running a yellow light?<br/>reach for you with my hands tied.<br/>are we dancing like we're burning in paradise?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>hurts so good.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hey! song credits from the summary and title from astrid s. enjoy! :D</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>it hurt so good, so <em>fucking </em>good, thomas decided.</p><p>it was in the way alexander yelled at him during a debate, eyes a deep sea of fire and passion, luring thomas to jump right in and swim.</p><p> it was in the way his pink lips, contrasting against his tanned skin would pull into a sly smirk when he knew he'd won. </p><p>it was in the way he would huff and cross his arms when he was frustrated, the way he bit his lip when he was focused, the way he would brush his silky hair behind his ear with one fluid movement, </p><p>it was even in the way his face scrunched up in annoyance when thomas forgot his mac n cheese on the stove.</p><p>it was in the way he did anything, but it was also in the way he did nothing.</p><p>pulling his short hair into a messy bun, laughing in the dining hall with his friends, taking a day nap on the sofa in the middle of their shared dorm, biting his nails nervously- it was all absolutely nothing to anyone else, but god, it was <em>everything</em> to thomas.</p><p>it frustrated thomas to a wild extent. everything alexander hamilton did drove him insane. insanely angry, insanely giddy, insanely lovestruck, insanely turned on.</p><p>all it took was one night for everything to change.</p><p>the two were assigned a group project, which led to them sitting in the middle of their dorm, yelling at one another in disagreement for almost two hours. it was around 2 in the morning when they'd finally agreed on a <em>title</em>.</p><p>the agreement was short lived, the two going right back to arguing after only three minutes of peace.</p><p>it'd gotten heated fast, but it always did with the two of them. the energy between them was electric, bouncing passion off one another, letting it sew them together.</p><p>alexander was a complete argument junkie, never backing down at the chance to debate or fight. he had a quick temper and usually left the 'aggressive and crazy short man' impression on anyone he met. it took thomas a while, but he saw through it. alexander was a powerhouse, always surging with energy, with the need to <em>do something</em>. he channeled that energy into writing his way out of his poverty stricken town, even when grief-stricken from his mother's death, he channeled it into graduating at the top of his class, he channeled it into arguing with anyone who disagreed with him.</p><p>thomas never expected him to channel it into a kiss, yet here he was.</p><p>one moment the two were screaming at one another, only inches apart, no doubt waking their poor neighbors up who were more than likely used to it by now.</p><p>"are you stupid, jefferson?" alexander spat with a scoff, thomas could feel his breath on his lips. "i have dumb ideas? says the one who thinks wearing eye-sore bright purple every fucking day is a good idea." he growled.</p><p>jefferson furrowed his eyebrows angrily. only alexander drew this sort of reaction from him. he was the only one who knew how to push his buttons so terribly perfect to get him like this and fuck, it hurt so good.</p><p>"shut up, hamilton!" he barked back, feeling his desire to argue dissolve as his eyes subconsciously traced down his face to his lips. thomas caught himself, jolting his eyes back up, feeling his face warm up, but by the look on alexander's face, he had him all figured out.</p><p>alexander's mind was one of the earth's greatest mysteries to thomas. he was clever, observant, cunning, and skilled, and <em>shit</em>, thomas would do anything just to be able to look into his thoughts for just a day.</p><p>the shorter man smirked up at thomas, that damned smirk that made his knees weak and his stomach do a backflip. "make me." he spat, daringly moving closer until their noses were almost touching.</p><p>thomas hesitated only for half a second before diving at the man in front of him, catching his lips in a hard kiss.</p><p>alexander had been tilted backwards at the force of thomas jumping at him, pressing his hand into the floor beneath them in an attempt to stabilize himself, using his other hand to loop it on the back of thomas' neck, the touch making the dark skinned man shiver.</p><p>thomas fit perfectly between the shorter man's legs, using a hand to grip at his curved waist, the other tangled in his wavy hair. he gave alexander's hair an experimental pull, relishing in the moan that the man let out into thomas' mouth, vibrating all the way to his chest.</p><p>their lips moved harshly, thomas's tongue licking its' way into alexander's mouth like he was born to do just that. thomas broke the kiss just to trail down to the immigrant's neck, sucking the tan skin between his teeth. </p><p>the way alexander arched his back while gripping onto him and letting out an obscene moan made thomas' pants feel too tight.</p><p>“you’re so fucking stupid.” alexander panted from beneath him, voice clouded by lust. thomas simply gave his dark hair a yank. “thomas!” alexander groaned, fingers curling tightly around the back of his neck. god, thomas wishes he could listen to alexander moan his name everyday.</p><p>alexander finally caught his lips again and thomas easily twisted their tongues together, desperate and lustful. alexander arched up even further, aligning their clothed lower halves with a moan into his mouth.</p><p>thomas may be a kinky fuck, but he refused to have sex on the floor that the both of them always forgot to mop. he scooped alexander up by his ass, relishing in the way he automatically looped his legs around his waist.</p><p>thomas dropped alexander on the bed, wasting no time in getting on top of him. the way the man automatically spread his legs for him made thomas want to go insane.</p><p>as soon as alexander moaned his name again, thomas knew he was in too deep.</p><p><em>jesus,</em> he thought</p><p>
  <em>i never want to let go.</em>
</p><p>_______</p><p>thomas awoke with a warm, bare chest pressed into his own. he quietly groaned and blinked his eyes groggily as last night came back to him, piece by piece.</p><p>he wanted to punch himself in the face.</p><p>it was the greatest sex thomas had ever had, (though, he would never admit it to alexander, he did<em> not</em> need the ego boost) but shit, it was also the greatest mistake he had ever made.</p><p>he looked down at the man sleeping quietly next to him, face lax and hair tangled.</p><p>
  <em>fuck, he was beautiful.</em>
</p><p>thomas wasn’t used to seeing him peaceful, but it was a nice change.</p><p>he brushed a strand of hair out of his face gently, letting his fingers linger for just a moment too long.</p><p>he sighed, finally getting up quietly. he was thankful he had chosen alexander’s room for last night so he could quietly sneak out into his to change.</p><p>thomas thanked whatever god was out there that:</p><p>1. the project abandoned in the living room wasn’t due until next week</p><p>and </p><p>2. he had 7 o clock classes, while alexander had 8 o clock, which meant he wouldn’t have to face him</p><p>he brushed his teeth quickly and exited the dorm as fast as he could, not wanting alex to wake up.</p><p>he let out another sigh before gently closing the door.</p><hr/><p>after his classes, thomas procrastinated going back to the dorm, staying in his best friend’s, james’ instead.</p><p>he was flopped onto his bed, while james was typing calmly on his laptop.</p><p>it was around 11pm and he had absolutely no contact with alex since last night and the pit in his stomach grew larger and larger every minute he was away.</p><p>part of thomas never wanted to face him again, to crawl away into a hole and never have to look at him. the other part of thomas craved him more than anything. he wanted to feel his hands on his face and nails on his back again.</p><p>he was snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of a laptop closing.</p><p>“alright, what is it?” james sighed.</p><p>thomas felt his heart rate pick up. “what is what?” he asked with a nervous laugh.</p><p>james rolled his eyes. “you’re clearly putting off going back to your dorm, what happened? did you finally get sick of the constant arguing with hamilton?” he asked inquisitively.</p><p>thomas cringed at the name ‘hamilton’ because it just didn’t feel right anymore. last night, all he addressed the man by was ‘alexander’ or ‘alex’ and they felt so right rolling off his tongue. ‘hamilton’ felt like a bitter reminder that thomas would never have a chance with him.</p><p>thomas inhaled sharply, the night weighing on him and the need to spill his secrets to his best friend feeling heavier and heavier.</p><p>“okay, i’ll tell you. BUT! not a word leaves this room.” he demands.</p><p>james made a zipping motion over his mouth and silently urged him to continue.</p><p>it took a whole half an hour for thomas to get everything off his chest. the complicated feelings for alex, the way he was lowkey <em>(highkey)</em> in love with him, the sex, etc.</p><p>james simply listened and nodded along like the amazing friend he was.</p><p>once thomas was done, it felt like a weight lifted off his chest, he exhaled quietly, turning to james for a reaction.</p><p>“well?” he asked nervously.</p><p>james barked out a laugh, which took thomas by surprise. </p><p>“am i supposed to be shocked? tom, i’m your best friend. of course i noticed how you look at hamilton. i honestly thought you guys have been hooking up this whole time.” he shook his head as he laughed quietly.</p><p>thomas gaped at him. “is it that obvious?” he asked miserably.</p><p>james smiled softly. “look, i’m not the biggest fan of hamilton, but i am your best friend and i trust that you and your picky standards see something in him enough for you to be pining like a middle school girl.” he snickered</p><p>thomas felt his face get warm as he half heartedly threw a pillow at james.</p><p>james laughed and dodged the pillow easily before continuing. “my advice is to just come clean, though. yeah, i’ve noticed the way you look at him, but jesus, have you noticed how he looks at you? every time you guys argue i feel like i’m not supposed to be watching because of how you two are undressing each other with your eyes.” he teased.</p><p>“james!” thomas hissed in embarrassment.</p><p>james laughed and got put his laptop on his desk. “you’re welcome to stay and hide out forever if that’s what you want, but i think we both know what you want to do more.” he said with a small crooked smile.</p><p>thomas sighed and it turned into an angsty groan. “you’re right and i hate it.” he confessed.</p><p>james ruffled thomas’ hair. “i’m gonna go shower, lock the door on your way out and if it goes terribly, feel free to come back for an ice cream movie marathon.” with that, he walked off into the bathroom leaving thomas alone.</p><p>thomas silently psyched himself up to finally move his legs that were starting to feel like jello.</p><p>
  <em>i can do this.</em>
</p><hr/><p>
  <em>what the fuck was i thinking? i cannot do this.</em>
</p><p>thomas stood outside his and alexander’s dorm, gripping his key tightly in his hand and shuffling his feet nervously.</p><p>he silently cursed james for making him believe in himself and began to pace in a circle, thinking of how horribly wrong this could potentially go.</p><p>
  <em>what if he just gets mad?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>what if he doesn’t even feel the same?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>what if he just actually hates him?</em>
</p><p>thomas smacked his head in an attempt to gather his thoughts.</p><p>he took three deep breaths before finally inserting the key in the door and slowly opening it. he glanced at the tiny kitchen that connected to their small living room, no sign of him.</p><p>half of him felt relief, the other felt longing and sadness.</p><p>he turned around and shut the door, jiggling his key out.</p><p>“hey.”</p><p>thomas jumped, biting his tongue to prevent himself from letting out what would’ve been an embarrassing scream.</p><p>he whipped his head around to see alex’s head popped up from the sofa which had been hiding him.</p><p>the first thing thomas noticed was that his hair was down. he always loved it when his hair was down. it was usually pulled in a messy bun or ponytail, but when it was down, he looked so much more peaceful and vulnerable, something thomas barely saw from him.</p><p>the second thing he noticed was the dark hickey that sat high on his neck, just teasing the tip of his jawline. thomas vividly remembers sucking the bruise onto him.</p><p>he looked anxious and didn’t quite meet thomas’ eyes. thomas swallowed hard.</p><p>“hi.” he said lamely.</p><p>a moment of awkward silence passed before alexander closed his laptop and got up.</p><p>“i’ll, uh, go to my room.” he murmured.</p><p>thomas felt a surge of panic thrum through his chest. “wait, don’t!” the words slipped out before he even realized how desperate he sounded.</p><p>alex stopped and looked at him with those damn eyes.</p><p>thomas felt himself clenching and unclenching his hands nervously in the silence.</p><p>“can we...can we talk?” he asked, his voice raised several octaves.</p><p>alex smiled gently, his combed dark locks of hair framing his face in a flattering way and thomas felt his heart do several backflips. </p><p>“it’s what i’m best at.” alexander said quietly before sitting back down on one side of the couch, a silent offer for thomas to sit on the other. thomas exhaled quietly before making his way to the couch, sitting down next to alexander.</p><p>another awkward silence passed as thomas picked at the cloth in his pants instead of facing the man next to him.</p><p>alexander sighed. “look, i know you hate me and you probably regret last night, but i can’t afford to go anywhere else so please don’t- like, kick me out or something? it won’t happen again i swear, i don’t-“ </p><p>his rambling was going in one ear and out the other for thomas because all he could focus on was how cute alexander was when he was nervous, with his fiddling thumbs and scrunched nose.</p><p>“i like you.” he blurted, cutting him off.</p><p>alex froze, eyes going wide and thomas wanted to beat himself up for being so incredibly stupid.</p><p>to his surprise, he wasn’t met with a slap on the face from alexander, just a relieved “oh thank fuck!” and his shoulders slumping with a smile. thomas tilted his head in confusion, heartbeat going a hundred miles a minute.</p><p>“i like you too, dumbass.” he admitted quietly, his lips curled into a small smile. thomas was sure his mind was playing tricks on him now, because there was absolutely no way that alexander fucking hamilton actually liked him back.</p><p>“i...you...uh, yeah, cool. uh-” thomas sputtered out, not so intelligently. alexander threw his head back and laughed, and it was music to thomas’ ears.</p><p>“you’re such an idiot.” he sighed with a fond smile before he leaned forward and initiated a kiss.</p><p>it wasn’t a fast, desperate, lustful kiss like last night.</p><p>this one was slow and sweet and thomas saw fireworks as he finally relaxed into the kiss and scooted towards him to rest one hand on his waist and the other cupping his face.</p><p>alex hummed into his mouth, leaning into his touch and placed his hands onto his shoulders softly.</p><p>alexander’s lips tasted like peaches and home, and thomas wanted to melt into his touch.</p><p>after a few moments, they pulled away, foreheads touching and eyes closed as they enjoyed each other’s presence for a minute. thomas pulled away, keeping alexander’s hands in his own.</p><p>“man, this has officially been the weirdest day ever.” alex laughed.</p><p>“good weird?” thomas asked hopefully.</p><p>“good weird.” alexander confirmed with a grin.</p><p>thomas stood up, a new confidence and power jolting through his body, like the kiss just gave him a power up in this weird game of life.</p><p>“well, alexander hamilton, i am officially asking you on a date.” he declared, hands on his hips as he smirked down at him. alexander rolled his eyes with a smile, looking up at him through long lashes. “well, thomas jefferson, i suppose i accept.” </p><p>“great, get your shoes.” thomas grinned, holding a hand out to the immigrant.</p><p>alex stared at him like he’d grown two heads. “thomas, it’s basically midnight and i’m in my pajamas.” he stated deadpan. “the joys of being college kids is that everyone is in their pajamas at basically midnight at waffle house!” he exclaimed joyfully.</p><p>alex laughed to himself and thomas felt his heart do that warm funny thing it did when he heard alexander’s laughter.</p><p>alexander took his hand and hoisted himself up.</p><p>“alright, i’m in.” he smirked.</p><p>and as thomas drove through the night roads with alexander yelling song lyrics over the loud radio in the passenger seat, thomas decided that alexander’s love no longer hurt so good.</p><p>it just simply felt so, so good.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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